Why kids don’t go anywhere anymore

The technological and economic shifts behind helicopter parenting

I do not think of myself as an especially permissive or relaxed parent — I only seem low-key and non-anxious compared to Kate. But I was shocked by this Institute for Family Studies survey of what contemporary American children are and are not allowed to do unsupervised at various ages.

The fact that a quarter of 11-year-olds are not allowed to leave the house unsupervised doesn’t seem all that shocking, until you realize that this means they’re not allowed to play in their yard unsupervised.¹ Leaving the yard is a whole separate category.

I’ve also been surprised to see so much skepticism about the idea that nine- and 10-year-olds can be left home alone. We are a family with two parents who both have flexible schedules and just one child, so it’s not like our kid is left home alone all that frequently. But sometimes it’s the logistically reasonable course of action and what’s the problem?

The thing that really makes us outliers, though, is that our child is allowed to “leave the street” in the parlance of this poll and walk to places in the neighborhood.

Yet even though that’s the answer I would give to a pollster (because it’s accurate), I have to confess that in practice, he doesn’t often walk places in the neighborhood without an adult.

One reason for that is just that norms are self-reining and sticky; most people modulate their own behavior in part to match the behavior of peers. And if his friends aren’t allowed to walk around the neighborhood, he won’t do much of that either.

But I do think there’s more than sheer conformity at work here.